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Holiday Hallelujah

December 11th, 2009 | Published in Beauty, Sweet Stuff

Words by Brooke Takhar.

December is upon us. There will be occasions. Oh yes, fancy ones that require leaving your jeans and hoody crumpled on the floor, and dusting off that black cocktail dress that’s been hanging, lonely and elegant, in the back of your closet. When that delicate garment is strrreeetched to near bursting over your stomach, because the only crunching you’ve been doing is into delicious tortilla chips, it’s time to come with me. There’s no time, so we’re going to Som Visao Spa for their new treatment, a double whammy of CelluTherapy followed by Lipolaser. It sounds scary, but I promise, it won’t hurt a bit. Let me tell you all about it.

I ducked into Som Visao, plunked on the corner of 16th and Granville, on a dark and gumboot-y Friday night, and spent the next couple of hours tucked into this soothing enclave of pampering and paunch loss. After filling out the necessary paperwork (I basically scrawled out, ‘stomach = disgusting’) in their softly lit waiting area, I was led down curved hallways to the private room where the magic would happen. After disrobing and being measured around my waist without sucking in, which for a girl is nearly impossible, I laid down under crisp white sheets and had two small light magnetic plates tucked into a stretchy belt, resting just above my left hip. As I thumbed through a thick pile of gossip rags, every ten minutes the plates were inched over across my stomach by the lovely technician Jennifer. The lasers emitting from the plates were only a touch warm as they targeted hard to reach fats over 40 minutes, in preparation for release and good riddance.

The next step was mildly hilarious as I folded myself into a one-piece white body stocking in preparation for the CelluTherapy, which is a combination of pushing and pulling. That also perfectly described me trying to get into the suit which, when on, is like a full body Spanx. I was tempted to wear it forever. I laid back down again, then Jennifer took what looked like a small hand massager attached to a mother ship, and essentially vacuumed me, twice over the stomach area where I, and 75% of her clients, hoped to release the stored fat the LipoLaser had loosened. The sensation was a mild humming pressure, and totally adjustable. I handled a 4.5 out of 10, and only giggled wildly as she did the backs of my arms – who knew that area was so damn ticklish?

After getting out of the body stocking, and taking another measurement, we both were giddy that I was down almost a full inch. Yes, by lying on my back, catching up on celebrity gossip and being lasered and massaged, one week’s worth of mayonnaise was poof, gone! To keep the good vibrations coming, I was ushered into a private room with my own infrared sauna, jug of icy cool water and shower. I managed to last about seven minutes (25 is recommended) in the sauna. This is why my skin is just north of ivory. It was lovely though; a drier heat than the other soggy, steamy saunas I’ve sweat in before.

After a refreshing shower, with some delicious citrus body wash, I floated out of Som Visao refreshed, rejuvenated and more than ready for the holiday soirée season.

For optimum results, this 3-step therapy should be done over 10-12 weeks, combined with regular exercise and a healthy diet. Prices, hours of operation and additional delightful services can be found on Som Visao’s website: www.somvisao.com

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